This is a story of a young girl.
“She loved animals, the outdoors, and she was drawn to the elderly. For some reason, the elderly loved her. Perhaps it is because she was quirky and honest, always wearing her heart on her sleeve and having an ability to talk to just about anyone.
She found it easy to be around animals. They were beautifully authentic in every aspect. They did not lie, or hurt her, and they were always happy to see her. Dogs, cats, horses, chickens, cows, pigs. She loved them all but found peace in horses. They were so big in comparison to her, but they were always gentle with her, allowing her to do her thing.
She grew up dreaming of working with animals. It was all she wanted.
Although her childhood was not bad, she struggled emotionally and soon found ‘attention’ from boys interesting. She was side-tracked and started down the path of abuse.
She was 17 years old when she was hit for the first time by a boyfriend. She left immediately.
After many failed relationships, she found a man who loved animals as much as she did. She was happy and in love. They had many adventures together, and 5 years later they got married.
The first 6 months were great, like an extended honeymoon. Then something changed, and she wanted out but was too scared to say anything. A few months later she fell pregnant, so she decided to stay and try to make it work. During the pregnancy, she had no support from her husband and was still expected to do everything.
After her child was born, she came to love God. She chose to accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour. But her home life was still challenging. They decided to see a marriage counsellor and had seen 2 different ones over the next few years. That did not help.
So, she kept plodding along, trying to accept that this is what her life would be.
Years and years of emotional turmoil had her in a bad state. People had her believe that she needed medication to make her ‘normal’.
Medication that would knock her out every night. And sometimes in this ‘drugged’ state, she would wake up to her partner having sex with her. Other mornings she would wake up completely naked and very confused. She would ask her partner why she was naked, and his response was “You probably undressed yourself in your sleep” This happened many times over the years but suddenly stopped when she left…
It just kept getting worse for her. All she wanted was to be loved, accepted, and understood. To be noticed. She never got that.
After about a year of therapy, she finally realised she was worth more and found the courage to ask for a divorce.
BUT she made (another) big mistake…she jumped into the next relationship too quickly, not allowing herself to heal.
She was besotted with this man who was the son of a preacher. They had great times together. For a while at least.
Over the following few months, she tried to commit suicide 4 times. Each time she felt possessed like she had no control. She remembered very little about the attempts, but one of the things she will never forget was the physical abuse.
He got so angry with her for attempting suicide. He came over to her apartment, walked in, and head-butted her. Then threw her across the kitchen. She tripped over a pot and fell into the sliding door. Thankfully, it did not break. He then grabbed her, threw her to the floor, and pinned her down with his knees digging into her chest. She taught she was going to die.
She cannot remember how it ended, but she left him, realising how manipulative he had been.
A few months later, she meets a man who would be her next husband.
She needed to be alone so she could work through everything that had happened the last few months, but she was afraid of being alone. Finding validation in a man.
Within the first month, the lying started. She always chose to forgive and forget. She did this for years.
A year later they were married, and shortly after that, she fell pregnant. He was more supportive during her pregnancy, or so she thought…Years later she found out many things that hurt her deeply and makes her fearful to trust.
When her second child was born, her husband would help. But often would make an excuse as to why he cannot help with his child.
As the years go by, lying seems to become second nature to him. She confronts. He sheds a tear and apologises. She forgives.
Until one day she had enough.
She asks for a divorce. He doesn’t believe her until he receives the lawyer’s letter.
She now decides she needs to work on herself, and not jump into another relationship. She is honest with herself, she really puts the effort in. She learns to love herself, and how to show herself compassion. There were many trying times, times when she wanted to give up, times when she felt nothing was working, but she keeps trying. She chooses to work on her relationship with God.
For 2,5 years she is single, and then she meets a wonderful man. BUT things are different for her now. Her eyes are fixed on God, she loves herself and has a better understanding of human behaviour.
But she is not perfect. She second-guesses herself and does things she shouldn’t.
After a few months, she realised that he was in the way/affecting her walk with God and broke it off.
She will never be perfect, but she is trying hard to keep her focus vertical, doing what God needs her to do. She is trying hard to provide for her children and be a great example to them. She wants to help others move forward in life, realising their worth.
But sometimes the world becomes too much.”
As you can see from this young girl’s story, life can be cruel, and unexpected. She didn’t ask to be abused, but she made the choice to go from one relationship to the next without healing, and it caused her more pain.
Once she realised that she needed to work on herself (change can only come from self realisation), her life improved. She learned to lean on God, to trust in Him and His promises.
You need to learn to love yourself. You need to set boundaries. You need to say no at times. And most importantly, you need to work on your relationship with your Heavenly Father.
Keeping it simply raw & real.
Your sister in Christ.
"Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity, and honor."