Wellington, Cape Town



Have you ever gotten to the point where you don’t want to speak?

It is not about withdrawing, or worry, or self-pity.  You just don’t feel like speaking anymore.

I think this is a great place to be.  You finally get to the point where you are quiet, within yourself.  You accept that you can’t do anything more than you already have.  That you can only rely on God, and that He will make a way in His time.

I believe that even the most mature Christian can waver in their faith every now and again.  Where we think we need to control a situation or figure out a problem on our own.  Sometimes we don’t take a problem to God because we think it is too small, or sometimes we pray so much that we start sounding like a broken record to ourselves, and at other times we just simply don’t have the words.

No matter what you are going through, God is there, He knows but He wants you to trust Him, He wants you to talk to Him.  When I have found myself without words, I will ask the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf, or I will simply say “help me”, or “I don’t have the words”.

He knows.  He knows you better than you know yourself.  He has gone before you. He knows what you need.  He understands.

But, we are human.

The last 2 months have been quiet for me in business. I have found myself stressing and worrying about my finances.  I have bills to pay and mouths to feed. Even though I have been prayerful and reminding myself that God is for me, I am not one to sit around. So, I tried new things to get some business in, started questioning everything I do, and wondering where I am going wrong. Also feeling like I wasn’t adding any value, anywhere.  I felt like I was in this dark void with nothing in front or behind or above or below me.  Just this void of nothingness.  Not feeling stress, worry, or anxiety.  Not wanting to talk about my situation anymore.  Just choosing to trust God and lean on Him.

It is tough.

God always provided. Maybe not what I felt I needed but what He knew I needed.

A few things I would remind myself, often, about are:

  • Plant by faith, not by feelings, expecting God to act.
  • God is enough.
  • Spend time intentionally.
  • Make the choice to rejoice.
  • God is with me in the ordinary.
  • God’s purpose is greater than my problems or pain.
  • The delays fulfil God’s purpose in my life.

These are written down and, on my wall, where I can see them often.  There are days when I don’t want to read them, but I do. I remind myself that it is in the valleys that I grow.

The words you speak to yourself have more power than you will ever realise.  I was reminded of this again. My internal dialogue has improved leaps and bounds over the last 4 years, but the negativity started to creep in again, or should I say, I allowed it.  I was bringing myself down with my negative self-talk, it made me pull away, it made me miserable, it made me feel self-pity – how sad that I allowed this. 

When we are in a not-so-nice place, we need to put in more effort than usual, and this is the time when we don’t want to.  We need to watch what we say to ourselves and others, we need to draw need to the Lord and read His Word, we need to keep our focus vertical.  We also need to be aware that spiritual warfare is very real, and when we draw nearer to God and His purpose, that we are even more under attack. 

But still, even with this knowledge, we are human.  We fail.  We give in to our feelings.  We think we are alone.  We think we need to fix whatever is wrong or broken.

We need to remind ourselves, constantly, of God’s promises.  We need to write them down and read them daily.  And when the hard times hit, we can remind ourselves of His promises, we can lean on and trust in Him.

Keeping it simply raw and real.

Your sister in Christ.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.



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